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So Why Don't You Blow Me...
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I MET FRANK

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 20, 2015, 11:11 PM
~KilljoyAtHeart~

keeper of the frerard demons


yes. it is true, i met frank iero on 3/16/15 and just wow you can go to my tumblr post for more detail and to see the pic i took with him and the art i gave him.

basically, frank is amazing, very sweet and very short :giggle: he also posted part of my drawing on instagram, which is so fantastic i still haven't let it fully sink in.

i hope you guys get the opportunity to meet him too someday!!

xoxolena.

  • Mood: Happy Tears

so i am now sixteen

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 20, 2015, 9:09 PM
~KilljoyAtHeart~

keeper of the frerard demons


wow, it's been a long time, guys. like, two months? dang, i didn't mean to do that, but things have really been crazy. one week ago, on friday the 13th of february, i turned 16 years old...i still can't really believe it. oh, how the time flies.

it's been a strange two months to be sure, but also...good. i think they've been good, anyway. this week, i worked my first real job (audio tech work backstage at a theater show for $10 an hour) and i'm left feeling exhausted but happy. my birthday was spent happily with friends and family and lots of sushi.

medical issues are still running amok through my life, but somehow they've become more normal and easier to stay calm about. this year, i've been so much less stressed than usual...i draw, i write, and i do things i love with the people i love.

one such thing is that on march 16, my best friend and i are going to see frank iero in concert. even though i've held the tickets in my hands, i cannot believe they're real. i have art and words for him, and i just hope he can appreciate them. if i do get to meet him...well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

i am still hoping and praying that gerard will come to my little corner of phoenix, az someday, and mikey and ray too. they were my inspiration when i needed them most, and even if their influence is fading, that's okay because the person i was then is fading too, and i am, slowly but surely, growing up. 

mcr was so, so important to me, and they still are. they impacted me in a way that almost nothing else can compare to, and i know that their impact will never fully leave my life.

years from now, i will probably still find myself drawing boys with gerard's hair or remembering lyrics from their songs or having to sit down and take a moment out of my day because i was hit once more with the reality of their end and their complete and utter beauty. because they were a beautiful band, really and truly, and they are all still beautiful people, even if they go their separate ways. i think it's taken me a long time to realize that.

so is this goodbye? oh, i hope not. just like mcr, i will always remember all of you and all of this, and i will still try to check in from time to time, though my life is changing and all of this is no longer really a part of it. 

my dear, dear friends...i am, for the first time in ages, excited. i am so excited, scared, and happy for the future. this summer, i might get to return to europe and go on my first cruise - in the mediterranean, no less!
travel inspires me, like so many other things, and thanks to these things, i have an idea of what i want to do in life.

i'm thinking of going to seattle university for college. i have a new novel, which, though it may never be published, is currently my favorite pastime. i have drawings, so many drawings, and after lots of hard work i have improved astronomically as an artist. i can only get better from here, right?

i guess what i'm trying to say is that my life is good. i was so sad and so down and now...a switch has flipped. i just hope it stays flipped for a long time. happiness feels better than i could have ever imagined.

i hope your lives are good, too. i love you all, more than i can say.

xo elena.

p.s. gerard 3.0, the succulent plant i mentioned in my last journal, is somehow still alive. wonders never cease.

  • Mood: Happy Tears

on a much happier note...!

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 26, 2014, 11:26 PM
~KilljoyAtHeart~

keeper of the frerard demons


Hi guys! I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday; I think mine was quite nice. I'm excited to say I (finally) got a Wacom Intuos tablet and Photoshop, so I've been playing around with it and I'm finally starting to get the hang of it. Digital art has so many pretty colors, haha!

More exciting news - I finally dyed my hair! I've never dyed my hair before as I'm a complete diva about what I put on it; I didn't want to have to bleach it because it's very delicate/fine and soft, and I didn't want to screw it up. I know, I know...not very punk rock of me. 

But my dad found me some all natural henna and indigo dye, and so I self-dyed my hair using that. It worked very well; it's a bit of a process because you have to leave the henna on your hair for about 4 hours (which dyes your hair red/auburn, depending on your original hair color. I naturally have medium-dark brown hair). Then you have to leave the indigo dye (which is blue; when mixed with red it gives you black) on for an hour. And it makes a huge mess, like I'm pretty sure I have henna dye staining the inside of my ears...but it was so worth it! Now my hair is streaked red-brown at the top mixed in with bluish black all over. And it should stay for about a month or two if I'm lucky.

I also got tons of chocolate, some adorable sweaters and leggings, a variety of journals, a fabulous pink scarf, and tea (of course), among other things. What did you guys get? :D

I realize my last journal entry seemed quite dark and sad-sounding. That's probably because at the time, I wasn't in a good place. I'm pleased to say that I'm doing better now; I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I think it's from more than just the holiday spirit. If you're ever really really sad like I often am, just fight it. Keep fighting it. It's no fun to be sad, and it doesn't do you or anyone else any good to stay sad. I think I'm finally starting to realize that and at least try to look on the brighter side of life. 

Um...other news...oh, I got a plant (a desert succulent) named Gerard 3.0 (3.0 because I used to have a mini roseplant named Gerard 2.0 but it died). I've also been hiking more (yay exercise bc oh my god I sure needed it) and my family is talking about possibly going to Italy and Corsica next summer. Possibly. Whatever, I am still pumped at the slight possibility of more European travel.

Oh yeah, and Frank is playing where I live in March! Hopefully I can go (and maybe even meet him???!!! augh) with my Frank (yes, I still know her and she's been a huge help with getting me back on track in life).

How have you guys been?? Please let me know; I miss all of you dearly and hope at least some of you will stay in touch.

Much love,

xoxo Lena.

so it's been a while. i'm sorry.

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 18, 2014, 4:20 PM
~KilljoyAtHeart~

keeper of the frerard demons


hey guys, uh...i guess this is my...monthly check-in?

i'm sorry for the lack of fanfics. i really am. and i'm sorry that rather than going out with a bang, i just kind of...faded away. 

it's been a rough couple of months for me. maybe it has for some of you, too. and if it has, i am sorry, and i know what it's like.

i ended a friendship, other friendships ended of their own accord, i struggled with old problems, fell into old habits, got some bad news, saw far too many doctors, have been sick in more ways than one, and had a great big series of existential crises.

it was not a lot of fun.

luckily, i am a lot better now than i was before, i think. i've been doing nanowrimo - write a 50k novel in a month - and that has really been therapeutic for me. so even if i've stopped writing frerard, i am still writing. i don't think it's in my nature to stop.

i've also been doing a lot of art, and working as part of the technical theater crew for my school. it's a lot of fun, even if i have nearly severely injured myself with dangerous tools more times than i can count...

also, i don't know why this is in all lowercase. i guess it just felt right, somehow. i don't know.

anyway, i guess what i'm saying is goodbye. i highly doubt there will be anymore writing posted here. maybe art. maybe journals, if you guys want to stick around. but i want you to know that i'll never delete this account. and i'll still check in from time to time - i like it here. i can't ever let it go, not really.

i want to be able to look back on it twenty years from now, and remember everyone i met, all the gifts i received, all the critiques and comments and praise and sheer, overwhelming love that all of you gave to me when i needed it most.

i only hope i gave something back.

i love you more than you can know,

elena.

deviantID

KilljoyAtHeart's Profile Picture
KilljoyAtHeart
trusts no one
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
my beautiful, gorgeous ID is by the beautiful, gorgeous XOBillieMCRart. give her some love <3
H E L L O !
25 Pictures, Images and Photos
The slightly deranged Keeper of the Frerard Demons~

i have an always-reply to comments policy. however, i don't reply to favs or watches (although i love them; there just isn't enough time for me to go around thanking you all individually). i'll often reply to llamas and i'll always reply to points. no watch for a watch, yadayadayada.

Greetings,

fellow deviants!
:Loki: Lokitty page doll by PrinceOfRedroses
Somehow, you've found the profile of myself, KilljoyAtHeart, also referred to as The Slash Goddess, Keeper of the Frerard Demons, Sapphire Grenade, Lena, Gerard, Unclenalena, killjoy-gerard, and The Puppetmaster.

Some quick things about me:
:bulletblue: I'm a sophomore in high school.
:bulletblack: I'm straight.
:bulletblue: I'm 5'7.
:bulletblack: I live in Arizona.
:bulletblue: I'm so guilty of loving pumpkin spice lattes it isn't even funny and I am so sorry :stare:

I do not have a facebook, nor a twitter (yet).
I do have a tumblr! killjoy-gerard.tumblr.com/
But you can also find me at:
My Mibba: www.mibba.com/Member/286004/
My Livejournal: killjoyatheart.livejournal.com…
My Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown.org/users/kill…

However, I'm most active on here (and tumblr) so if you want to message me privately and quickly, send me a note. Like I said I answer all my feedback messages but it can take a while. If you ever just need to talk or need some cheering up, I promise I'm here. I won't judge you, I won't hate you or anything stupid like that. Part of my purpose for being on here is to make a difference in people. I know sometimes life is a pain in the ass. Quite frankly, sometimes, life just sucks. Trust me, I know, I'm human. But I also know how much a simple kind word can help. And that's what I try to do.

:heart:

I hope you enjoy my gallery and page, you're all incredible and I love you! :giggle: :iconsupertighthugplz:

Just some people I'm pretty much in love with:
:iconmoochingleech:, :iconschizophrenic-clown:, :iconsfregiato:, :iconhootsweets:, :iconsashabrambleshadow:, :iconsolai-tsukada:, :iconandyourbirdcansiing:, :iconfalloutloveandhim:, :iconfloorsucker:, :iconburningsun95:,:icondeathorvictory:, :iconkilljoyechelon:,:iconadorkablexbabyxwhale:, :iconsaturjazz:, :iconthechimnysweep:, :iconijaeli:, :iconradioactiverose42:, :iconlostinparagraph:, :icondaweirdo:, :icontoad1:, :iconxobilliemcrart:, :iconunlockeverydoor:, :iconthescourgedragon:, :icongerardwayisawesome14:, :iconhisironicprincess:, :iconnikafargos:

To all of you: Photobucket

Some guys whom I'm rather fond of:
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Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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Image and video hosting by TinyPic


:heart:
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Haha, in all seriousness, though, I'd love to extend my premium or get some commissions- and of course donate to others! <3

I love you all!!! :heart:

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I MET FRANK

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 20, 2015, 11:11 PM
~KilljoyAtHeart~

keeper of the frerard demons


yes. it is true, i met frank iero on 3/16/15 and just wow you can go to my tumblr post for more detail and to see the pic i took with him and the art i gave him.

basically, frank is amazing, very sweet and very short :giggle: he also posted part of my drawing on instagram, which is so fantastic i still haven't let it fully sink in.

i hope you guys get the opportunity to meet him too someday!!

xoxolena.

  • Mood: Happy Tears

Webcam

Current Awesome Novel

CRANK
by Ellen Hopkins




“Life was good before I met the monster.
After, life was great.
At least for a little while.”

My dA Family

My dA family :P
TheChimnySweepThe Frank to my Gerard <3
sashabrambleshadow My mommy.
KilljoyEchelon My Danish tard
BananaJoy24 My weird sister :'D
schizophrenic-clown My crazy aunt
sfregiato My creepy cousin
AndYourBirdCanSiing My adopted sister and Rayard fangirl buddy
adorkableXbabyXwhale My incredible pet whale
DGenerationX8990 A banana...?
Balloons504 My sister <3
partee-bunni-killjoy My daughter
finobutter That polar bear kid
Tumbles-Girl My sister
keyanaojaghi Another sister :huggle:
XOHappyEmo My little sister, who is Frerard obsessed.
L0ST-IN-DR3AMS My darling hubby B|
livinginthesky My waifu
XOBillieMCRart My lover. :heart:
MoochingLeech My older sister whom I love to give kisses to.
DaWeirdo My second wife, and the "Fre" to my "rard"
radioactiverose42 My third wife :heart: :heart: :heart:
withinmeloveresides1 My family friend neighbor who loves Rammstein and My Chem
HymnOfShadows My Mikey (well, my non IRL Mikey)
Solai-Tsukada My grandmother!
oceandvst My pet dragon that eats sparkly rainbow tacos ._.
Dlola My secret lover. ;)
unlockeverydoor My fourth wife! She gave me a ring made of Babybel cheese wax c: She's just so incredibly....ahem ;P
xTheGhostOfMyselfx Casper, my own friendly ghost <33
writer-in-agony My older werewolf sister~

I bestow upon you all: Gerard Way Pictures, Images and Photos

Visitors

:iconpinkheadphones12:
Pinkheadphones12
May 22, 2015
2:16 pm
:iconthelemonboy:
TheLemonBoy
May 22, 2015
11:49 am
:iconkill-the-joy:
kill-the-joy
May 22, 2015
12:09 am
:icon99revolutionstonight:
99revolutionstonight
May 20, 2015
8:44 am
:iconsurviving-winter:
Surviving-Winter
May 14, 2015
11:11 am

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:iconnikafargos:
nikafargos Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Ilu by nikafargos  
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(1 Reply)
:iconsandramalie:
Sandramalie Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hi, thanks so much for the watch!^^ I appreciate it Hug 
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:iconnic0tlne:
NIC0TlNE Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014
im in love with your page <3
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:icondeskridge:
deskridge Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+devwatch:!
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:icongrim-grinning:
Grim-Grinning Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
:iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz::iconkawaiistarloveplz:

Thank you so much for the favorite Heart  I really appreciate it!
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:iconsyncopatedrhythm:
SyncopatedRhythm Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Student General Artist
Hallooo! I found you through the rock of ages fic and I love your work! Omf. <3 frerard forever
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:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the favorite :)
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:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for adding Beaten up to your favorites. I'm glad you like my art :)
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:iconikiyou:
Ikiyou Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO KIND TO ME, YOU ARE A CONSTANT INSPIRATION...

<3 <3
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:iconrobinharrison:
RobinHarrison Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
:icongerardapprovesplz::icongerardrapefaceplz::iconierorapefaceplz::iconmikeywayplz::icontororapefaceplz:
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